tyrannosaurpaddock asked: Hey! Just wanted to say good luck with becoming a TV producer (and getting TV work in general)! I have a couple of friends in London trying to find TV/Film work and it has been pretty difficult, but it seems like they've been doing alright. If you don't mind me asking, why're you interested in being a producer?
Hi :) Thank you haha Yes it is an extremely tough industry to want to be in! I’m actually in my second year of University and have had quite a few paid runner jobs so I’m just trying to gain as much experience as possible so that hopefully by the time I leave University I’ll have enough experience and contacts to get myself a good entry level role ready to work my way up! And I don’t mind at all, I want to go into television, hopefully factual and entertainment. The reason I want to be a producer is because I like the level of creativity it involves. I like the idea of going in to work every day and being excited by what I’m doing. I also like the idea of meeting all kinds of people and how I might not quite know what I’m going to be doing the next day. I just really enjoy it to be honest with you, its so fast past and exciting and I just love the way everything works! (I also study screenwriting and University and I’m looking to make a few of my own short films this year!) I see you’re a film maker! AND in Los Angeles! That’s incredible! Have you got anything I could look at? :)
Life is too short to spend time with people who suck the happiness out of you. If someone wants you in their life, they’ll make room for you. You shouldn’t have to fight for a spot. Never, ever insist yourself to someone who continuously overlooks your worth. And remember, it’s not the people that stand by your side when you’re at your best, but the ones who stand beside you when you’re at your worst that are your true friends.
One of those moments where you think to yourself, you know what? All of this stressing and worrying is not worth the pain. Everyone is struggling for money at the moment, everyone’s worrying about work and University and exams. Everyone’s worrying about relationships, whether wanting to be in one or wanting to get out of one. Everyone has their own problems to deal with so just get on with it. The grass also most definitely won’t be greener on the other side.
On a lighter note, my sister messaged me the other day asking how many ‘sexual partners’ I’ve had. I wasn’t really sure how to react. Probably sounds stupid but this really made me smile. I don’t think my sister and I have ever been so close, despite seeing each other the least we ever had. Actually, that’s probably one of the reasons we are so close haha. I may think she’s dorky at times, slightly chavvy but she will always be there for me. Same goes with my amazing mother. I probably sound so stupid droning on to you about this but I don’t care. Without my Mum and my sister I would be nothing. I feel sorry for anybody who doesn’t have that kind of love and stability. I know that no matter what I do in life and where it takes me I will always have them to keep me going, to rely on. Not everyone is lucky enough to have something as magical as that.
I’m feeling increasingly nervous about what path I take after University. I don’t want to move home as I’m nowhere near my friends (my mum moved to Manchester just after I started at University) and living in Liverpool when I want to pursue my particular career will be silly, unless I land some kind of full time role at Hurricane Films after my internship is over which is unlikely. So I’m thinking London? Why not? Katie knows for definite that she is moving there at some point when University is over and I know she will, she’s lived there before and really has her head screwed on, so I’d feel safe going with her because she’s one of the few people that give me that feeling of comfort and safety, like family do. Career wise it would be better, there are probably about 70% more job opportunities for me there and is it really that far away from home when I can hop on a train and be back in a couple of hours? I think I’m going to do it. I think I need to do it. For me. After all, it doesn’t have to be for forever.
On a little side-note, (I know its unrelated) but I know they say you have to kiss a few frogs before you find the right person, but what if you find the right person the first time round?
Katie, Vikky and I went to Leaf on Bold Street’s weekly open mic night tonight, and quite frankly it was beautiful. Although, the fact that Katie and I currently possess the inability to refrain from falling in love with every remotely bearded talent man that stands on the stage and plays and sings to us worries me. I also had one whole glass of rose wine (all to myself) and I’m rather tipsy, noted from when I got up to nip to the loo and felt a bit dizzy! I’m an embarrassment of a student. It was nice to go out and not stress about money for once. I’ve been trying to get a regular job for a while now, and I’m hardly the most inexperienced student so I find it hard to deal with the fact that I still don’t have one. Getting paid from ITV today helped ease the pain though, and I feel better having lots of little projects planned, like the filming of Katie and Jessica’s ethical fashion show/Hurricane films internship/Our first short film etc. I’ve also been working on a few screenplays out of my comfort zone and I’m writing one a bit Diablo Cody-esque, starting off with a fifteen year old struggling to shove a jumbo sized tampon up her vagina. Yeh. It’s definitely a bit risque anyway… Off to get a decent nights sleep now (I’m hoping the wine might just knock me out.) Sweet dreams.
“Have you ever felt the tingle through your fingers as the knife in your hand uncontrollably tears through your girlfriend’s chest, like a slice of bloody chicken? I have. About twenty minutes ago actually. But don’t worry, she knew it was coming. That little bitch knew it. I told her I said one day you’re going to push me too far but would she listen? No. She didn’t really help herself either, squealing like a little piggy with her arms and her legs flapping about, how does she think I’m to react? By tightening my grip that’s how. If you ask me she deserved it, thinking she can walk around town all of the time with her plump thighs out for the entire world to see. Her pert little breasts pushed tight towards her chin in that little belly top she was so fond of. The one everyone was fond of. I bet even you know the one. Bitch. How did she think I wouldn’t find out? He’s had his grubby little hands all over her just a few hours ago; I can smell him on her, his disgusting stench covering her own usual slutty scent. But she wasn’t his to touch! She was mine. She is mine, and now there’s nothing she can do about it. At least I know she’s safe now too, here with me. That’s all I’m trying to do you see, protect her. That’s all I’ve ever tried to do. It’s not my fault she can’t keep her knickers on. Legs spread anytime a guy even glances her way. I’m not a bad person you know, I’m not. She drove me to it. Well there’s no point in me sitting here and talking about it, what’s done is done ey? Now I guess it’s time to hide her body! I reckon the wardrobe will do for now. After all, not gonna look great is it having a dead chick lying on my couch when the social bring Mikey back in the morning is it? [Laughs].”
I think I’m starting to become numb. Without sounding dramatic, I think I’m starting to block everything out so that I can stop hurting. I’m beginning to think that in order to deal with the things that hurt me so much I need to just stop thinking, because when I stop thinking it doesn’t hurt anymore. I feel like whenever I make a decision it hurts somebody, and when I try to do something or make a decision for myself like people say I should that just hurts people too and I can’t bare it anymore. How are we supposed to know what the right thing to do is? Without a certain person in my life I feel empty and lost but with them there I feel like its too much. What do I do? See when I think about these things all achieve is a familiar feeling of sickness in my tummy and I get even more confused than I was before. I feel like moving to University and then my Mum moving home has turned my whole life apart, its like I’m never completely happy no matter where I go, I’m always missing something. Sometimes I wish I could just go away and start a fresh but life’s not that easy and I’m not that brave. I hate also the fact that some people in my life may think some of the things I do that are wrong I do purposely to hurt people and I really really don’t. I think everything through and over and over in my head so much that I think maybe that could be my problem. I care way to much what people think of me.
I’m really trying. I really really am. I miss how things were. I miss the innocence and naivety of my youth, when I didn’t know how hard life really is.
Sometimes I wonder if its only me, but you know when you see somebody that you believe is truly beautiful, whether male or female and you just can’t help but stare? I do it a lot. I just sit and wonder how one person can be that beautiful. But I do also know that what we class a beautiful changes from person to person. One mans treasure is another mans gold, as they say. I think that applies.
